


They See Me Rollin'

by casstayinmyass



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BB-8 Has Gender In This, Based On A Picture, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dad Finn, Dad Poe Dameron, Droid Race, Evil Husbands, Evil Pierogies, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Skype In Space, Space Husbands, WTF did I write, proud dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5879512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Space dads Finn and Poe attend the Annual Droid Race on Tattooine, the race that BB-8's won many years in a row. This year, they may have some competition...</p>
            </blockquote>





	They See Me Rollin'

 

   

-0-0-0-

"Come on, BB-8, go!"

It was the annual droid race on Tattooine, and Poe and Finn were currently cheering on their small cinnamon roll precious baby one-of-a-kind droid. Rey unfortunately couldn't be there, as she was on a one-woman/and wookie crusade to take down Snoke, so she was watching on skype. Poe clapped.

"Kick their asses, my beautiful little orb! Who's a fast droid? _You're_ a fast droid, yesyouare."

Finn looked over at his pilot space husband, frowning. "You're taking this a little too seriously, don't you think?"

"Wha- too seriously?" Poe asked incredulously, turning to his ex-stormtrooper space husband, "There's no such thing as too seriously when it comes to the Annual Droid Race. We've got ten medals already, we're not breaking this streak."

"Um, BB-8's only eight," Finn pointed out, "How's that possible?"

Poe hesitated, then waved it off. "Doesn't matter. He's our little champ, and he's gonna stay that way- YEAH, KNOCK THAT GREY FUCKER OUT, BB-8!"

Finn raised his eyebrows at Poe, but continued to cheer excitedly for the little orange and white droid, spinning past the other competitors.

From across the way, the two dads met eyes with Kylo and Hux, who were also cheering on their droid.

"Face it, Dameron," Kylo taunted, "Our droid is better than your ball."

Finn sputtered, ready for a fight, but Poe held him back. "It's okay, babe. He's just trying to rev our engines."

"But... we don't have engines-"

"Remember when I explained figures of speech to you?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, I'd like to see his face when BB-8 knocks TT-3 out of the-"

Just then, the menacing looking droid that was born of its menacing emo First Order parents overtook BB-8 as their cute little baby fell back, making sad, hopeless noises, and Finn's eyes popped.

"What?!" 

"Shhh..." Poe hushed, eyes squinting over the dunes, "Watch our son work his magic."

Finn watched, and suddenly, BB-8 surged forward. _It was all a show._

It was Kylo's turn to yell, and Hux did as well, his expression twisting up in that evil, hateful rage-face that he always sprouted when Kylo ate the last cookie on their base or something.

Poe laughed, as did Finn, and BB-8 gave a few reassuring beeps, sticking out his blowtorch thumbs-up, and dipped his head forward in sheer determination as he raced to the finish line.

"GO BB-8!"

"YEAH! THAT'S OUR DROID!"

"They won't be cheering for long," Hux hissed, pulling out a small, concealed remote control. Kylo frowned down at his evil ginger husband.

"But that's cheating..."

"So?!" Hux replied, "The First Order never plays by the rules!" Kylo nodded.

"Forgive me. I felt the pull of the light again, and I shall go and admonish myself for it in front of my melted Vader helmet when we get home."

"Fine," Hux snapped, "As long as you're finished brooding by six, I'm making evil pierogies tonight."

"Oh, the ones with the evil potatoes?"

"Yes, those."

 Kylo turned back to the race, talk of evil dinner aside. If this cheating got them to win and steal that sweet victory from the Resistance this year, then so be it.

"Keep goin', almost there, little buddy!" Poe called. When no one was looking, Hux pressed a button on his control, and TT-3 surged forward, electrocuting BB-8 in his spherical back.

"NO!" Poe cried, and as if in slow motion, BB-8 rolled out of control. Kylo and Hux grinned victoriously, and Finn glared at them.

"Oh, you're goin' down," he said, "You're going _down_!"

Kylo laughed, and Hux joined in... until the announcer said that TT-3 was disqualified for dirty play.

"Dirty play?!" Hux cried, "But... but..."

"The Resistance will not be intimidated by you," Poe hissed at the two, "And BB-8 most certainly won't."

Just then, Skype's lag caught up, and Rey cried out as she watched the action in question transpire a minute after it had happened.

"OH, FUCK NO!" she screamed through the phone, "THAT WAS SO AGAINST THE RULES!"

"No, Rey, it's-" Finn tried to explain to her.

"DID YOU SEE-"

"Rey, it's been taken care of-"

"DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!"

"I hate skype," Finn grumbled, and went back to cheering BB-8 on, who had gotten back on course. He was almost to the finish line... just a little longer... almost...there...

"Yes!" Poe cried, jumping up as BB-8 won. Hux and Kylo were miserably muttering amongst themselves, their arms crossed.

Finn and Poe rushed over to BB-8, hugging the droid tight.

"Aw, buddy!" Poe crooned, "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

BB-8 made a few whimpering noises, and Finn stroked him soothingly.

"Aw, did that mean evil droid hurt you?"

"Beep-boop," BB-8 sighed pitifully, and Rey rolled her eyes over Finn's phone.

"BB-8, quit whining, you're fine. Just looking for attention, I know it."

The droid's head perked up, and Rey snorted. "You see?"

"He deserves attention," Poe said, cradling the droid in his arms, "He just won the race!"

"It was amazing," Finn said, smiling at the droid, "You were wonderful!"

"Yeah, you were," Poe chuckled. Rey scoffed.

"Jesus Christ, you're spoiling him."

"Who's a good droid? _You're_ a good droid," Poe whispered, sticking a giant #1 bow on BB-8's head, "You're a winner... yes you are..."

"I'm signing out," Rey grumbled, and Finn smirked at her.

"See you soon."

"Yeah, yeah."

Kylo and Hux retreated to the First Order spacecraft they had come in.

"What should we do with the cake we had made for our victory?" Hux asked bitterly.

"I've got an idea," Kylo growled, and got out his lightsaber, destroying it in a fit. Hux blinked, pink icing all over his face and clothes.

"Why am I married to you?" he asked disdainfully.

-0-0-0-

That night, Finn and Poe celebrated BB-8's win, and hung the medal on their wall. There was nothing that could make them more proud than their precious little baby, and they will forever continue to be the idiot droid dads they are, fawning over BB-8 and spoiling him. Rey will continue to be the aunt that pretends not to love the droid as much as she really does, the one that eventually gives in and also dotes on the little protégé.

BB-8 will forever bask in all of this, even though it wears on him to put up with his lovesick space parents all the time.

Kylo and Hux didn't eat pierogies that night, because Kylo destroyed them out of rage. Hux immediately filed for a divorce because nobody fucks with his cooking and lives.  

THE END


End file.
